Yes, I has it.
Almost a week now.
It's a she. It almost always is. She's developing before my eyes and it's driving me crazy.
Her eyes are those of someone deeply and emotionally wounded. Pain, loss, and guilt weigh her down. Every step she takes is a reminder of steps others can no longer take. Because of her. What she's done, and what she's not done.
Running away from that place wasn't enough. Every waking moment, every breath, every movement. She has no path to redemption. Doesn't even feel she deserves it if it did come knocking.
This woman started out as a blur in a dream. Only her eyes were clear and it made me sad on a certain level all day long. Each fractional revelation has brought her misery and agony more into perspective. A glimpse walking to the kitchen. A snapshot waiting for data at work. A second at the stop sign.
This woman is not real. Fictional. An imaginary figure my mind is creating. Yet I feel sorry for her. Sympathize with her. Wish to make a world where she gets peace, if not happiness. Truthfully, I don't think this woman could ever be really happy again.
Isn't it silly, how we authors connect with our characters? Often, this causes people to think we are disconnected from the real world.
But I don't think that's true. I think it's because we're too connected to the world.
I think its the core emotions behind our characters that we really connect with. We understand there are real people who are suffering the way our characters do. We connect with that real, human emotion behind it all and need to express it, so others can understand and connect to.
That's my take anyways...for what it's worth.